![]() I’m just grateful she never said it to me, because I would have taken it personally.) (I found out later that, directly after this phone call, L went to her boyfriend of the time wailing about how her little sister was a slut. “Well, there’s this ridge near the bottom, and if you use your other hand to rub that while rubbing the rest of it, he’ll really like it,” L said. “Is there anything else I should know?” I said. She basically repeated what Marco said, only with more detail, and tips on which spots to avoid touching. L was obviously very surprised and kind of horrified, me being her baby sister and all, but she handled it remarkably well. She lived elsewhere at this point (as she still does), and I didn’t have a cell phone, so I had to orchestrate a situation in which I could use the house phone without being overheard by my parents (no small task). ![]() This seemed to minimize what was, to me, a daunting task, so I asked my sister, who I’ll call L. “Well, it’s kind of like a handle,” he said, “and you just move your hand up and down. I contrived some reason for him to take me home shortly after, and we didn’t talk about it again until a few days later, when I worked up the courage to ask him what I was supposed to do, once we got his member out in the open. (I know, I know, but I was fifteen, remember.) I kept thinking that I didn’t even know where the important parts were, and worrying that he wouldn’t be impressed. He gave me zero instruction, so I just kind of rubbed while trying to act completely nonchalant. I should have anticipated this, but I guess I figured that it would come later. Marco grabbed me in various places while we were kissing, which I was by then used to, but a few minutes in, he grabbed my hand and put it on his pants, and I quietly panicked. I mean, I’m an Atheist, but I’ve met so many cool Mormons that every time I think about it, I feel shame. He decided to park behind a Mormon church, and I still feel bad about that. He had picked me up, under the guise of going to the mall, but we both knew we were going to end up making out. I hadn’t even gotten to second base with any other guy, but things with Marco progressed quickly, and it wasn’t long before I realized what was expected of me. When he first kissed me, he had a girlfriend, but this seemed okay to me, because I was fifteen and I wasn’t used to being wanted. His name was Marco, and that’s his real name, because he’s an asshole and I don’t care about his privacy. No details, but it’s definitely a plus, because I have a long and tortured history with this particular type of foreplay. He has a lot of great qualities, but one of them (and this may be oversharing, but that’s kind of the point of this) is that it’s really easy to give him a hand-job. (She was filling in for Goddess Isis, whose basement flooded earlier in the day - the basement where she keeps all her drag.) Natalia Kills took the stage around 1:30 a.m., after coming from Bearlesque where she watched and reportedly loved an all-bear’d-up version of her song, “ Problem.My boyfriend (who agreed to feature in these essays on the condition he be called Sergio Danger) is fantastic, and I’m not just saying this because he’s right next to me. Prancing about all the while was MC-substitute drag diva Satine Harlow. Promptly at 9 p.m., toned and tanned go-go boys took the stage in their undies to gyrate their hips around glowing, rainbow-colored hula hoops as chiseled men in their crotch-clutching swimsuits trickled into the venue. (probably because of Tabu’s Bearlesque at 10), the euphoric sex-on-the-beach atmosphere was full throttle from the get-go. And though the summer soiree didn’t heat up until shortly after 11 p.m. Titillating twinks, beefy bears, macho muscle studs, a bevy of queens gawking from a distance - to be sure, there was no lack of diversity (or sexual chemistry) populating this year’s Main Event. If your gay-boy libido didn’t kick into overdrive at PhillyGa圜alendar’s Boys of Summer event on Saturday at Voyeur, you should probably see a doctor - pronto. ![]()
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